Adult children of hoarders are affected by their living situation even if they do not live with them. Adult children don’t always get to visit their parents’ homes as much as they would like and instead spend most of their time on the phone if their parents allow it. Understanding and patience are required to get your parent the help they need. To begin with, you are not the cause, and whatever your parent is going through is not the reason for your contactless relationship. I send you hugs.
Visiting without judgment is the first step. You will not feel comfortable being around the hoarding content; however, you still have hope considering that your parent is still alive. You should talk openly with your parent about their feelings, and if you cannot help, you should refer them to a professional. Every step of the way will be met with resistance.
If you continue to visit, they will remember what it was like to have a visitor. This is the key. It is common for us to miss what we are used to when it is gone. Openly communicate with each other and visit often. In the interim, select a service you feel would be a good fit for your parent. The best thing we can do for our parents is to hire outside help, even if we love them and want to help.
You can share the service provider’s information with your parent during one of your visits. I recommend you pay the bill if money is an issue. It’s one less obstacle to deal with. Including your parents in the decision-making process is a good idea, but it’s best not to overwhelm them with processes, payments, and paperwork. Their lives are already cluttered, and they will need their minds to be free of tedious processes. Take care of everything, but let them be involved in the consultation and decluttering process (onsite). It may take months to a year for them to feel comfortable. Patience, my friend. Please note that some parents should not be involved in consultations or decision-making. When the time comes, you, the second party, aka support system, will know what is best.
Hiring a hoarding coach can help you along the way if you need it. My best wishes to you on your journey. Apolonia Edwards, Peace, Love & Light!
The following post is crafted based on our personal experiences.
